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7/18/13

Enjoying Home



"If I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with.” -The Wonderful Wizard of oz

I was home in Memphis last week visiting my parents. While I was there, my heart was filled through breakfast from my mom, tight hugs from dad, star gazing in the quiet and loneliness of my parents' farm, and the feeling that everything was slow and easy to enjoy. 

It is not the same way it is in the city. In the city, I have to take moments to look out of my window and see the ocean. Thank God for the beauty in front of me, but distracted by the traffic on the road beside it. I am rushing from task to task, making dreams happen and checking off success boxes. I remember to pray while stuck in traffic, and not lose count of the tourists' happiness as they vacation here, where I live. 

But when I'm home..though I wanted desperately to leave one day, and "make a life for myself elsewhere," I see the life that is there. With the people who mean everything. And my heart aches with the simplest desire to be within driving distance to my parents. 
Sleeping in the bed I spent nights picturing what my life would be when I grew up and had a family of my own, reminded me that my life is much more than I could have ever dreamt it to be, and I felt a nudging to remember this passage in scripture, "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be the glory.." {Ephesians 3: 20-21}

While I was there, I noticed how I took the time to look at my mom in the eyes, capture her expression, while we spoke. I listened intently to my dad's stories. I sat at dinner without a phone, and actively participated in conversation. I was patient when they were taking too long. Things that I so wish I would have done before. Things that I didn't realize were a privilege to get to do, and seldom get to do them now. 
The yearning for home grew a hundred fold this time. I don't know if it is because as I get older, I learn what's really important, and realize how fast time goes by. I know that whenever the time is right, I want to live close to my family. I want to teach my children to love the extraordinary that is their own backyard. 
Some people can leave home, both my parents and husband did, and never look back. I can't. I am so grateful for the character that moving away has built in me, and truthfully, if I never physically go back home, that will do, but I don't want to live my life apart from the home that was nurtured in me. I want to live, simply, as I do at home. With the peace of having everything in one place, and enjoying it, deeply. I want to live every day, like I did this weekend at home. Aware that my time there was limited. Listening without interrupting, enjoying without complaining, loving with no pretense. 


4 comments :

  1. Such a great reminder to live in the moment! My husband and I have spent the last few nights in our porch just enjoying the beautiful Utah mountains! I wish I did t take so many things for granted!

    webberwonderland.blogspot.com

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  2. Nicholl, this is such a beautiful post! Since my dad died last year, I'm so aware of how quickly life changes and how important our roots, our family, and our faith in God is. Thanks for sharing this beautiful scripture as a reminder. Lately I've been feeling guilty that my life is going so well, and my dreams are coming true while so many others suffer every day. I must remember that He planted these desires in my heart, and He listened to my prayers...and the glory belongs to Him.
    Amazing post!
    XO,Gina
    http://classyeverafter.blogspot.com

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  3. What a wonderful break you had Nicholl! Isn't it funny how desperate we are to leave home and start our "real lives"? Whenever I go home I cherish the home that my parents built and just like you, try to revel in the little moments that can only happen at home. I hope you had an amazing time and take a little bit of that 'home' feeling back to the city with you!

    xoxo,
    Chelsea & The City

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